"Conventions for Dummies" book needed

Memo to CRP Chairman Ron Nehring: Can you please provide a Dummies guide to help us navigate this convention with some aplomb? It's important that we at least LOOK like we know all the lingo, procedures, and rules of this political ritual. Who knew that a CRP-elected Committeeman was a paid lobbyist to the RNC in DC??! We need help in navigating the meetings, parties (aka hospitality suites), and the foggy land of convention-ese. PS: Providing Alka-Seltzer in our Convention packets would be a loving thing.